Saturday, May 18, 2013

one month ago...

WOW... I can't believe it's been one month  since my father passed. I haven't been able to stop thinking about him. I'm ok with that! My memories of my dad have been so happy and actually extremely calming to me. Not gonna lie I do get a little overwhelmed here and there... At home, at the office... Even just coordinating something little, like dinner. The one thing that seems to be helping me is looking at this one picture that I have of him on my cell phone. His face, his smile, his stare,  no joke puts me at ease. Peace takes over my body and I actually smile back at him. Shhhh I do have an occasional conversation with him as well. Thanks dad!  

Knowing that he's in Gods hands and pain free has released an energy that I don't think anyone will ever understand until they've experienced loosing a loved one. His passing has made me want to work harder...  And more! I want to help people and actually smile more. Hey, I'll take that any day than sitting in bed and crying! No bon bons for this lady {giggle}! 

Thank you all so so much for the sweet gifts, beautiful flowers, touching cards, heart felt calls, thoughtful texts and comforting hugs! You all know who you are... I cried opening each and everyone. They were tears of joy! Thank you! I read all the cards over and over again. I look at texts each day. The power of family and friends are huge. You really know who your friends and family are when tragedy strikes. I've realized what people want when tragedy happens in a family... Comfort and love. Just, I'm sorry for your loss. 5 simple words. They mean so much to an individual!  Thank you all so so much! 

My life has changed in so many ways right now... If I don't embrace it I might as well give up. I can't give up... I need to fight and try harder for me, for my family as well!  My children need to see that because papa is in heaven doesn't mean you give up on life. You work harder and make a difference in the world. I want my father to look down from heaven and say good job, Alex! I knew you could do it! I know he is! We were so alike in so many ways... I do miss his pep talks and his alternative route he would send me on if I was frustrated or upset. He would remind me to always sit on the other side of the room and listen to people. Don't close up and judge. Got it dad, I won't forget... I'll chug on and continue what you have preached to me.  Now I need to create my own path. Change my routes when the going gets tough. I will dad... I will!  

My mom is actually my hero... She has shown me what a woman with unbelievable grace and style really looks like. She is wonderful! Having her best friend leave her and have to deal will all the awful after math of a loved one dying she has been such a trooper. Not going to lie... She's hurting so bad. Who wouldn't... Her pain is so deep. I'm doing everything for my mom... Always and forever!   She's amazing! Love you mom!  

My kids talk about my father all the time... I actually look forward to their little questions. They seem to love to talk about him right before bed. It truly makes me think.  Do you think papa is flying right now? I bet he's listening to techno and dancing. Do you think he's with his mommy and daddy? Their questions are endless... So innocent and pure!  

Well, Summer is almost here... Are you ready for it? I'm sure not! hahaha I do welcome it with open arms... I can't wait to swim and go to the beach. I need the summer sun to warm my heart and soul! Dad it's been a month since you've left us... Crazy! Can't wait to go to the beach this summer with you! Kind of jealous you don't have to wear sunscreen {wink}

Thank you all for listening to me... 
Thank you! 


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