Monday, April 22, 2013

good bye...

I don't know where to begin... I'm truly at a loss for word. I type something then I erase it. I want to tell you all everything but don't know how to. I was truly blessed with the most amazing father in the whole entire world. No joke! I had everything and I was loved like no tomorrow by him. I traveled the world with my parents, I was pushed to try new and exciting things throughout my life. My father told me I could do anything I wanted to. I always got reassurance from my dad. He called me 24/7 when I was upset. His famous words were if you're mad or upset, get out and workout. Run or do something active to feel better. I try my hardest to live by his rules. 

When I heard that my father had Prostate cancer I was terrified. I actually was pregnant with my daughter at the time. Unfortunately, my father had the mindset that he could fix it by himself. He never ever wanted to burden us with his problems.  Unfortunately, the Cancer had spread to his bones. He was such a  fighter. He barely complain to us. Even on his toughest days he asked about us, the kids or even work. These past couple of years have been very rough on our family... 

Well, the fight has officially ended for my father, Nicolaus. On April 18th he took his last breath with my mom, brother and myself by his bedside. It was the most magical and slightly odd thing I have ever experienced in my life. I will never forget his last gaze, his last breath... His last everything! He's now at peace. I'm truly devastated and my heart is broken. The one that I more concerned for  most is my mom. She's a fighter... but that was her best friend for over 40 plus years.  Not a lot of people have or had the marriage that they had. It was truly a match made in Heaven. She is extremely lucky to have had him!  

I will be just fine... I know God has my father & he's now extremely comfortable. Not gonna lie... I wish I was a fly on the wall up in heaven {smile}. All of your prayers and loving support is helping us. Pray extra hard for mom. 

Rest in peace dad... I love you with all my heart! I will teach my children what you have taught me. Love and respect! I will be back stronger than ever... I am a fighter too!



  1. What a beautiful post....I am so sorry about your loss. Lots of prayers for you and your family!

  2. Alex and Sally - I am so sorry for your loss. You are both truly amazing, funny, kind and talented women. I love talking with you both whenever I visit the store. I am thinking of you at this difficult time in your life.
    - Lori Cano

  3. Bless your heart. I have been there with my father, too. People don't understand that death can be a peaceful, beautiful thing. I'm so glad for you that you got to be there with him and with your mom and brother. Praying for healing for you all. It's hard, and takes time. Take it easy on yourself, sweet one!

  4. I am so sorry for your loss. Praying for you and wishing you peace and comfort.


  5. I have said a little prayer for you Mum and for you. May your Dad rest in peace. The circle of life is sound profound. Watching babies be born and your loved ones take their last breath are the precious and earth shattering moments in life. Take care of yourself. He looked like a beautiful Dad. xx

  6. I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. My prayers and thoughts are with you and your family.

  7. Alexndra,
    I'm a stranger who has only been to your blog a few time but wanted to say that your post today is such a beautifully written remembrance about your dad. He sounds like a very loving compassionate father. I will keep you and your family in my prayers this evening.

    May you find comfort in the loving memories of your dad and peace in the embrace of your family.


  8. I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. I'm sure this was a hard post to write. I will say a prayer for you and your family.

  9. I am so sorry. I am sitting here in tears. As I started reading your post I thought - it sounds like she's talking about my dad - and then I read on and it caught me quite off guard. I too have the most wonderful dad and he happens to be going in for prostate cancer surgery this Wednesday. My sisters and I not only worry so much about him but we also worry about my mom. My mom just lost her mom (my grandma) to cancer last summer and here we are, fighting cancer again! I'm so sorry for your loss! Your dad sounds like a wonderful man, and like you said, he is in a wonderful place - in heaven!

  10. I am so sorry! I am sitting here in tears! As I started reading your post I thought - she is talking about my dad! - and then I read on and was completely caught off guard. My dad is also the most wonderful dad in the world - and he is scheduled to go in for prostate cancer surgery this Wednesday. My sisters and I are not only so worried about him but we worry so much about our mom who just lost her mom (my grandma) to cancer last summer...and here we are fighting cancer again.

    Your dad sounds like a wonderful man who is in a better place now. I'm sure you will see bits of your dad in your children as they grow!

  11. I'm so sorry for your loss. My toughts and prayers are with you and your family. You are truely blessed to & loved by many. BIG HUGS from Houston, Tx -nancy elizabeth

  12. I am so sorry for your profound loss and wish you and your family peace in this difficult time. How fortunate that you realize how lucky you many don't.

  13. I feel bad that I am just now reading this post Alex. This made me totally cry. I am so so, very sorry for your family! You were very blessed to have such a wonderful father.


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